In true narcissist form, it was never her fault. I thought I was the only one that was going through that. I am finally discarding the narc in my life. No receiving nor responding to any meet ups, phone calls, text messages, social media bombs, letters, emails etc. Im sorry for what you have experienced gorgeous one. Even though odds are that they are the ones who should be apologising, the feeling of being deleted from their world is so intense. The discard, especially the first one, is just a way of devaluing you as a person and exerting further control. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. When the narcissist looks at you and says such cruel words, they are in fact looking at the unmet parts of themselves, which they refuse to acknowledge. Once a narcissist is done they will completely pull back from you. The narcissist discard can be even more confusing. Many of these narcissistic men are simply what I term trophy hunters: once they have gotten you, they immediately lose interest and leave to hunt someone else. Ive been trying to figure him out for so long, feeling confused by his conflicting behavior. Flying Monkeys Do they see the truth? No contact 3 months and v happy with my life, expect the Idolisation stage is soon to come to and end and for her the fun will soon start. It totally broke me. Narcs dont self reflect. Thanks for your post it is another one to reflect on and realize that although the trauma and pain hurt so much it also gave me my courage back and I am not giving up. You did nothing wrong! Dear Anonymous, you are most welcome gorgeous one. This is when the discard happens youre tossed aside in favor of someone new, someone who can provide that initial high they desperately need. Right on the back of being blamed for everything, the narcissist will be actively talking to anyone and everyone you know to rewrite the storyline. Lets drill down. And of course, they are the poor, long suffering victim. Thus, love bombing is a means to seek attention, boost their . There is a devil inside them and you will not be the savior. Maggie x (p.s. Light & love to you. Without any previous warning signs or indications that you are about to be discarded. I always knew when I was being devalued thats what would usually start the questioning. Scared and excited for this next chapter in my life without him. Ive been devalued for Years. What to Expect When the Narcissist Leaves You Alone (Finally! If he were to come back this time with more of his future, faking bullshit, I would probably laugh at him. Hed get me into conversational corners and question me with things that clearly had no right answer. Joy never lasts for the narcissist though, and the only way for them to retain that initial pleasure is by exerting power over you. Top editors give you the stories you want delivered right to your inbox each weekday. As you can see from the above, many narcissists are quite willing to come back for as long as it suits their needs, while remaining oblivious to yours. Sick. But what lies beyond this gross over-simplification? I hope to have a man that actually Listens, Cares, & isnt calculating the next scheme! Time will help us all. You no longer serve a purpose to them. Relationships with narcissists tend to follow a pattern that plays out again and again. Other things were in place, and the disrespect was enough the silent treatments, the refusing to talk about minor things. As with most narcissistic behaviours, the litmus test you can apply in pinpointing the difference between No Contact, the silent treatment and ghosting, is intention. Narcs make it a daily effort to do the opposite of whats good. Acknowledge those parts of yourself and love them. Another motivation for narcissist ghosting is after the discard. Usually, for a reason that seems due to no fault of your own. However, this is also common when the narcissist discards first. The pain of the injustices are huge! There is no way to hide the fact that a narcissist discards people in their life. He will never stop cheating and lying. It is the compass in finding the path to truth. You will get through this. Youve seen aspects of who they truly are, not the false image that they put so much energy into showcasing to the world. I hope youve found some useful information from this article and are feeling more empowered about stepping into your own true place in this life. So sorry youve found yourself here as theres only one reason you would be reading up and seeking answers to all those questions. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. This sounds more like typical domestic violence to me. I told him to write it via text. ), Closure Letter to a Narcissist + Burn & Release Ceremony. There are though many wonderful channels out there on the topic. They have two children less than a year apart. This last past is important as they need you to see yourself as unlovable. In the beginning, you thought this person was great and that youd have many awesome years ahead together. Im partly to blame for my situation as I was involved in an affair with a married male narcissist. You will then receive an email that helps you regain access. But I will get my life back, I will be the easy going peaceful self I was before her. I had to leave in the middle of the night to not get pulled back and I have lost all my belongings. The narcissist will continue to abuse the victim until they tear the person apart. Read up. I sometimes say him for the sake of brevity, but there are female versions of these types as well. They will belittle, criticize, and control you as a way to enhance their self-image. Dont get me wrong I still want that I just dont want it with him. You can finally be free of their controlling behaviors and hurtful words, but in the moment, a discard feels pretty awful. GL to everyone. I called them out and I got rather nasty. During the break-up, he said to me, ever since you started standing up to your mum, you changed. Anyone can make a claim about anything, but that alone proves nothing. With time comes healing and eventually your wounds will fade away until they are only scars left behind to remind you what happened to prevent it from happening again. Narcissists require praise and ego-boosting, so theyre not likely to discard you before finding a new person (Narcissistic Supply) that can provide those things. You see, the narcissist is a pathological liar. The narcissist is well aware that refusing to communicate with you has psychological effects of cruel proportions. Now I just have to stay strong which is so much easier when you are aware of what you are dealing with. Im besides myself with all this narcissistic abuse Ive been learning about but have some level of relief knowing this was not my fault, even though I continue to revert to it may just be my fault. Whether a narcissist discards you permanently depends on three basic factors: As one narcissistic client told me: People are very interchangeable for me. Their devaluations of you will increase in intensity. I hope to get out of this feeling soon and dont ever want experience this again. Narcissistic discard is when a person with narcissistic tendencies ends their relationship with you. Gorgeous one, do not let them! You have the opportunity to step into your own power and be completely self-reliant. Maggie x, Just what I needed to read this evening x, Dear narcwisemaggie, Ive discovered your blog today and Im asking myself so much questions. This handy little magnifying glass shines the light on getting at the truth of most narcissistic situations when doubting yourself begins to creep in. Narcissists are experts at controlling their world, but that control takes a serious amount of effort. You knew the terms of that lease. After weeks, months, or even years of being devalued, victims of narcissistic abuse often believe that they deserve to be left. He was unfaithful in the 1st two yrs of marriage; with zero remorse about it. The lies they tell you about themselves and yourself need consistency to remain believable. Watch up. For those unfamiliar with narcissists and their ways, the discard phase might seem like the inevitable end to a failed relationship. Mantra Care aims at providing affordable, accessible, and professional health care treatment to people across the globe. You know the narcissist is done with you when theyve replaced you. Assuming the narcissist is actually done with you, the narcissist discard phase can be a blessing in disguise. How can we feed the narcissist and still see the kids without losing our minds? Fortunately, having known a narcissist, you should be better able to spot one in the future and avoid a similar experience. Things get a lot more complicated if you share finances, children, or a home with the narcissist. A narcissistic collapse may take two forms #1 Covert narcissist withdrawal. 100% with you. Their hope is that once you realize how little you mean to them, you will work even harder to please them. Not likely, but they might if they want to gain something from it. He took it right out from under me! It is natural to want an explanation for why you were devalued and discarded, but unfortunately, the narcissist is not likely to give you one. This includes all direct forms of communication with the narcissist. Theyll be regularly posting photos of all the fun and exciting moments theyre now sharing with this new person, who is apparently way better than you ever were. They might be spending a lot more time out or on their phone, but make up stories to cover what theyre actually up to. A man over 35 should be able to communicate and articulate emotions and if he cant hes worth about as much as the dog shit in my backyard in my opinion. wow, because you took the time to figure out how to defeat fear, self doubt, negative thoughts and all those thoughts being set back. However long it takes for you to learn your lesson and amp up provision of supply. But Im feeling stronger now, despite my health & financial/unable to work situation, being bad. Another said that he could not sustain a relationship for more than two weeks. If you are truly struggling to cope with the discard and you feel like you cannot find any comfort or support, it may be a good idea to speak with a professional about what happened. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. (HTTP response code 503). Two common ones are: One man told me that he lost interest immediately after sex. All you are is a supply. Im so very glad youve found some answers to rest easier. This is my second narcissistic relationship and I had a gut feeling he was a narc in the beginning but stayed because I wanted to give him a chance. The narcissistic discard is often sudden, unexpected, and without any warning signs. Narcissists are famous for projecting their own bs onto others, then actually blaming the other person for the very things that they themselves are doing. It is others that inspire me to never look back and that for all the good memories there are far more bad ones. pushing past me and now in my new apartment, he needed a couple of days for the V.A. I mean, lets be honest, narcissists are emotional voids at the best of times. This leaves them feeling lonely and disconnected. Thank you police! They may leave you suddenly and rationalize it in any of a number of ways. Sorry, Im rambling now, it will take a long time to get over/past this, if I ever do. To their mind, there is really no need to sully their hands with any unnecessarily unpleasant conversation if you are of no immediate nor further benefit to them. Waiting in a homeless shelter for my housing to kick in. Stay strong in your truth. Learn from experts and get insider knowledge. Heal hard. why would i want that bag of shit back??? They may expose many of their lies and you will no doubt be able to understand the false storyline that they are portraying to others. This constant self-questioning is yet one more outcome of having suffered narcissistic abuse. This is usually because either: A. The narcissist was merely a catalyst. Its been two months and Im already at the point where Id rather be single and just date then continue with him. And now you find out that not only did they never love you, but the whole thing was built on lies and manipulations. This is the . Maggie x. Get Clear on What You Deserve 5. Some common games someone with narcissistic personality disorder might engage in include: blame shifting deception gaslighting ghosting love bombing playing the victim projection triangulation. After a few cycles of it while he was trying to gaslight me, I told him he needed to leave. Never date married men. In fact there are likely to be many pictures of the two of you posted on whatever internet sites they frequent because it is so important to narcissists that everyone sees you as the perfect couple. 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